So far in our four years of marriage, Stephen and I have taken a trip over the weekend of our wedding anniversary. We had a "destination wedding"--meaning I was from Portland, OR, he was from Buena Vista, VA so instead of choosing a side we went to Utah where the largest amount of our extended family lived--so maybe it has since seemed like we had to be 'away' to really relive the day together accurately.
This year, we got hit hard by taxes and moving apartments, and then we jam packed the four weeks sandwiching our anniversary with so many lovely visits to and from family and weddings and reunions that we ended up deciding to try out the 'Stay-cation.' It's difficult for me to admit--first because of my privilege and second because of how well it all worked out in the end--that I got really anxious about the switch-up.
Now, none of that anxiety is due to my rock, who gently held my hand and listened as a stream of blocked up, overworked emotions blasted out of my mouth; rather, I think I realized that an era of our marriage was ending and instead of holding place for the time that was here and now, I looked at it like a chef on Chopped who forgets the secret ingredient because they can't keep their eyes off the clock. Four years. That's longer than it took to graduate college. Could we still be newlyweds? We haven't been around the ranch that long, but we've seen a few sides of the block. I tell people often that Stephen was the best decision I ever made (and continue to make) and the day I married him is a hugely important mile-marker in my life. In fact, nothing in my life is better than my marriage. And so celebrating it in what appeared to be a not-willing-to-invest-the-effort-to-make-it-as-impressive-as-he-is-to-me kind of way opened up so many thoughts of 'I'm not good enough," or "I should've worked harder," or the ridiculous "Will he still love me the same way after this?"
But to keep this short, what I learned was this: what a stay-cation does is equally, if not more appropriate and honorable, than a vacation to the parts of my marriage that truly matter to me. Instead of "escaping" our home and "living large" for a few days, it venerates the every day, ordinary things that I know from experience I would miss by-and-large before the big vacations were they taken from me. It was perfect, because it was us: We made a new delicious meal (recipe available upon request); we sat at the table we refinished together; we wore street clothes and danced in our living room; we did dishes together; we read together; we reviewed albums of the past four years and our wedding day; we talked; we finished a box of chocolates together; we watched a movie together. This is our marriage in an ordinary nutshell. This is what I choose every day: my love, my Stephen and my life with him. So why not on the day that it all began? To Year 5 and all that you are to me, my Stephen. Happy Anniversary! Choose your love, love your choice.
